I love spambots. I’m not kidding. And males who are logged in to instant message clients on Valentine’s day are prime targets. Below is my most recent interaction with the 8th Wonder of the World: The IM Spambot.
B is my new real human friend and R is me.
AIM IM with ssbotishakrbabe Today 9:08 PM
B: heya
R: hello
B: hey whats up????
R: you’re a bot
B: Im not a freaking bot
R: let’s robot fight
B: A bot? not hardly babe. Are you?
R: who is this?
B: Dont you remember?
R: I’m afraid not
B: have we chatted b4??
R: I’m afraid not
B: oh ok sorry i wasnt sure. anyways whats up?
R: Oh you know, just sitting around killing chat programs with my enormous brain.
B: im Iike so borededddd…. you wanna do something fun?
R: Yeah! I’ve got this automatic reply application I’ve been working on. Let’s team up and get it to run for president.
B: k i took this iq quiz earlier and scored a 98. i bet you cant do better.
B: wanna try?
R: I’m not surprised that’s your score. The word “bot” is in your name.
B: A bot? not hardly babe. Are you?
R: How can one tell?
B: k go here http://twurl.nl/wgjf8h and click the start button.
B: they send your score to your cell.
R: You weave a web of lies, mystery chatter. I can only hope the consequences of such lies one day make you value human trust.
B: brb phone call. tell me what you get when your done.
R: Who is it? Your husband? Will you also lie to him regarding your current chatting activity?
R: “No, Roger, I’m just checking on your fantasy football league for you because I love you that much,” you’ll claim.
R: He’ll coat his words with a sincerity so unexpected and so uncommon that the guilt cuts you straight to your core, “I know, ssbotishakrbabe. It’s just you’ve been so distant lately. I don’t feel the connection we used to have.”
R: “Roger, don’t be daft,” you’ll reply. “Nothing has changed.”
R: Then Roger will appear out of nowhere with 36 porcelain dolls strapped to his back.
R: “Tell me the truth or I’ll dive backwards and crush all these dolls!”
R: “But Roger, slivers of such crushed dolls will be sure to penetrate your flesh and puncture vital internal organs!” Your face becomes wrought with sudden panic. The weight of your careless actions hit you like a judge’s gavel.
R: Roger compacts his legs to prepare for the leap of his lifetime.
R: TO BE CONTINUED…
R: I got a 76!
